It seems the Twitter mascot has been caught with his proverbial pants down. In a shocking statement released Monday by his publicist, Bigsy Zebulon Birdowitz (known to the world as “Big Bird”) accuses the feathery mascot of the microblogging giant of being a “non-union scab.”

George Foreman, entrepreneur and former boxing champ, recently stepped into the ring to deliver a knockout one-two punch combo against obesity and entertainment technology with the new Foreman Super Champ Digital Blu-Ray Snap Grill.

Today, at Legends Field in Tampa, Florida, Yankees Manager Joe Girardi announced that Japanese robot import ASIMO has won the role as the team’s fifth starter. The 4’3”, 114 lb ASIMO battled for the position throughout spring training with youngsters Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain. 

IOWA CITY

Nancy O’Conner, 33, was worried about her health.

“As a chickenatarian I only eat chicken,” O’Conner told The KeyPress. “So I was concerned about my chances of catching Bird Flu.”

Amidst the cacophony of gray test screens, curious teenage girls and perverted penis pullers, Cupid has struck again.  This time his arrows have skewered two masturbators on Chatroulette.com, a website popular amongst exhibitionists from around the world.  

Software engineers have been tirelessly working to complete a new print style for computer users that will bring a dynamic often left to the spoken word to writing.

Apple announced today that they were working “full speed” to fix a glitch that appeared early this week in Final Cut Pro. The glitch allows users to edit their own reality.

Ahhh, the sound of silence.

With the release of the HTC EVO, Sprint has taken an early lead in entering the 4G market.  A report released today shows that the new smart phone has 33% more G than its closest competitors.